If Only it Was All a Dream
by thatweirdwritergirl
Summary: Sirius Black is helplessly in love with Lily Evans. In a conflicting world of love and loyalty, his dreams are the only place Sirius can truly be at peace. Waking up is usually the hardest part but he finds that some of the worst things are the ones you can't wake up from.


They stand in front of a church congregation. A muggle wedding. This is what she wanted. Her being a witch is still somewhat of a shock to part of her family. Most of his family wants nothing to do with him anyway. The feeling is mutual. Tonks makes it though, and all the people he considers his true family are standing next to him. None of them mind muggle things, and this is a relief to her family. Sirius just wants whatever makes her most happy and comfortable. Of course James is best man, with that messy hair and grin of his. Even for the wedding he can't manage to tame it. He actually gives Sirius a pat on the back for snagging the bird that he himself pined over for all those years.

When she walks down the aisle he's breathless. All he can look at is her, with those enchanting emerald eyes and gorgeous fiery hair. He's always loved fire. There is the traditional exchange of words and then the moment of pause when the priest asks the gathered to "speak now or forever hold their peace." Sirius can't help but glance over at James. His friend nods; the final peace offering. He won Lily fair. Then their lips are touching, and this time he's kissing Lily Black. This is where the normality stops. A flock of enchanted doves fly over the newlyweds, and they apperate to what is now their home. He sweeps her off her feet and across the threshold, pressing her against the wall as soon as they're inside.

"Sirius! Not yet, you'll ruin my dress."

"Mmm, don't be so uptight Evans."

"Evans? I believe I'm Black now..." Lily looks up at him with a teasing glimmer in her eyes."...and maybe a good shag will loosen me up." A smirk plays across his face.

"Lucky for you love, I happen to be an expert." This makes her laugh.

"You're a right slag Black."

"I'll show you what a slag I can be..." He presses her against the wall, kissing and biting along her neck until he reaches her sweet spot.

"Mmm..." Lily moans softly and arches her neck to offer better access. Sirius slips down her body, lifting up her dress.

"Wearing white like you're so pure, but I know better..." He nips a line up her thigh before ripping her delicate lace panties off with his teeth.

"Th-those were expensive..." She can't seem to care as much as she should once his mouth is latched onto her. All that she can manage to get out of her mouth is moans and broken words."S-Sirius...mmm..." He stops and emerges from the layers of lace and puffy material, smirking at the pleading look she gives him. "No...Why are you stopping?!" Her glare makes him grin even more. Making Lily's blood boil is something he always enjoys.

"Oh but love, your panties were expensive and I'd hate to ruin your dress."

"Then help me take the bloody thing off already!"

"Getting a bit cross there? Perhaps I should stop before I drive you completely mad."

"If you stop I'll- I'll-"

"You'll what?" His grin infuriates her further.

"I won't shag you at all, that's what!"

"Now now love..." Slowly he begins placing kisses up her neck, nibbling her ear and then slipping behind her. "We both know you can't do that."

"You're a bloody infuriating bastard, you know that Black?" His only response is a low chuckle as he begins unlacing the back of the dress with his teeth. The chuckle turns into a low growl as he realizes how many fastenings that the dress has. After much pulling and fumbling the garment finally lies on the floor in a discarded heap. Lily catches him in a heated kiss, tearing his clothes off at the same time.

"Mmm, we're not going to make it to the bed Siri..."

"Fuck the bed." He pins her hands above her head with one of his, pressing her into the wall with his hips. She bites her lip and eyes him with longing. As he nips at her ear he whispers in it.

"You're mine." Their hips are grinding together and suddenly he's thrusting into her, staring intently into her eyes. Her eyes meet his with an intensely passionate gaze.

"Fuck I love you."

"L-love you too Lils..." They're drowning in pleasure together, moans echoing through the mostly empty room as they get closer and closer to the edge.

Sirius wakes with a groan.

"Lily..." The empty bed snaps him back to reality. Yet another dream...she still belongs to James. He's alone in his flat. Lately he hasn't even been able to have random slags over...they tend to get offended when he says another woman's name. Losing Lily again like this every morning is so painful he can't help but shed a few tears. Still, he has to be happy for them...it's his best mate and the woman he loves. All that matters is their happiness no matter how much pain he has to suffer for it.

The wedding is today. Sirius couldn't say no when James asked him to be best man. James is still his best mate and there would be no explanation for it. He collects himself and gets dressed. At least this once he'll bother being on time for something. The day progresses in a rush of setting up, bridesmaids, groomsmen, and last minute preparations. Everything is always an extravagant production with James, and this is no exception. Making everything perfect keeps his mind clear until they're ready for the actual ceremony. Music starts, and before long the woman he loves is walking down the aisle towards him with those emerald eyes and fiery hair. Only, her eyes are fixed on the man next to him. The one she's actually marrying. It's hard to resist imagining for a moment that she's marrying him instead. He tries to focus on the smiles of the bride and groom. They're so happy. That means he must be doing the right thing, right? Then those painful words come.

"If anyone has any objections to this union speak now or forever hold your peace." Sirius holds his breath. Lily and James are gazing at each other, waiting patiently for the pause to be over. Her eyes catch his over James' shoulder. She bites her lip and for a second her smile falters. He shakes his head slightly and forces a smile on his face. The moment breaks. Now he's officially lost Lily forever. That look on her face as his eyes met hers remains burned in his mind long after. At least he's had plenty of experience hiding his emotions. Still, giving the best man speech is the hardest thing he's ever had to do. Remus pats his shoulder afterwards.

"James is lucky to have you." He says it in a comforting way, like he sees what Sirius is going through. He only nods and disappears into the crowd. If his composure slips his friends are the most likely to catch it. Usually he would be chasing bridesmaids but he doesn't have the heart for it anymore. Instead he sneaks out a side door and apperates back to his empty flat as soon as he can. That night he dreams of objecting at the wedding, of Lily staring at him and instead of shaking his head, stepping forward and voicing his feelings to the congregation. James looks both shocked and hurt as Lily jumps into his arms and kisses him. Yes, he has the girl of his dreams, but his best mate is crushed and storms out. Everyone else glares at him. Even Remus shakes his head. Sirius doesn't care. Lily is in his arms and that is all that matters.

When he wakes up tears are streaming down his face. He did the right thing today...there is no way he could betray James like that. Still, when they ask him to be Secret Keeper he suggests they switch it to Pete. This time he comes up with an excuse beforehand. As James's best mate he'd be the first one thought of. No one will expect Pete. It works.

He thinks he's done the right thing again until October 31st. James invites him over for a Halloween drink. Things have been strained lately with Harry and the war so he readily accepts a chance to relax and catch up. Only, when he gets to the house it's blown half apart. The cat runs out but Sirius barely acknowledges it. When the initial shock wears off he walks in.

"James! Lily!" No one answers. His shouts get more desperate.

"Prongs! Prongs, answer me! L-Lils, please..." When he sees a body his voice cracks.

"No. No, no, no, no, no..." It's James. A look of defiance is etched permanently on his face. At least he died bravely...James would have wanted that. Sirius's eyes fill with silent tears as he gently closes his eyes. James was always there for him when no one else was. The farther into the house he gets the more clear the sound of a baby crying gets. Harry! Lily's body is the first thing he sees when he walks into Harry's room. Right in front of the crib. She must have been protecting him...Sirius breaks down, his tears turning into full, choking sobs as he cradles Lily's body in his arms.

"Lily, love..." Her eyes are still wide in shock. He closes them as gently as possible, holding her body close to his chest as he breaks down. Harry's cries get louder. Sirius lowers her body down gently, placing a kiss on her cold forehead. Then he picks up his godson, soothing him until his cries stop.

There's a noise outside not long after Harry stops crying. Sirius places him back in his crib. It better not be that traitor Peter. He'll kill him. Outside he finds Hagrid, who's there to get Harry. Sirius tells him he can take his motor bike, then wanders off to find Peter. He didn't just take the two most important people in Sirius's life away or orphan a child. He betrayed all of them. His thoughts drift to Lily's beautiful face and tears cut through his seething rage. No one betrays James. Not even him.


End file.
